The Power Of Vulnerability

To keep my mind fit I like to read books and watch TED talks about these topics. Last summer I came across this talk about vulnerability by the Dr. Brené Brown:

As soon as the talk was finished, I discovered that Brené Brown has written a couple of books where she explains topics like authenticity and worthiness. I decided to learn more about it and got the book “Rising Strong: The Reckoning, The Rumble, The Revolution”. This book teaches us to rise from our falls, overcome our mistakes, and face hurt in a way that brings more wisdom and wholeheartedness. Brené describes this in a three-step process:

The Reckoning: Accepting our story and be aware of our emotions.  Allow yourself to be curious about your emotions and how they connect with the way we think and behave.

The Rumble: Owning our story. Get honest about the stories we tell about ourselves. Then challenge these assumptions to determine what’s truth, what’s self-protection, and what needs to change if we want to lead a more wholehearted life.

The Revolution:  Writing a new ending to our story based on the learnings from our rumble and use this new story to change how we engage with the world.

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Today I want to share my favorite quotes of the book with you:

“Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.” ― Brené Brown

“There are too many people today who instead of feeling hurt are acting out their hurt; instead of acknowledging pain, they’re inflicting pain on others. Rather than risking feeling disappointed, they’re choosing to live disappointed.” ― Brené Brown

“The opposite of recognizing that we’re feeling something is denying our emotions. The opposite of being curious is disengaging. When we deny our stories and disengage from tough emotions, they don’t go away; instead, they own us, they define us. Our job is not to deny the story, but to defy the ending—to rise strong, recognize our story, and rumble with the truth until we get to a place where we think, Yes. This is what happened. This is my truth. And I will choose how this story ends.” ― Brené Brown

“…sometimes when we are beating ourselves up, we need to stop and say to that harassing voice inside, “Man, I’m doing the very best I can right now.”  ” ― Brené Brown

“C. S. Lewis captured this so beautifully in one of my favorite quotes of all time: To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” ― Brené Brown

“I define wholehearted living as engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough. It’s going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am brave and worthy of love and belonging.” ― Brené Brown

“TEN GUIDEPOSTS FOR WHOLEHEARTED LIVING” Cultivating:

  • Authenticity: letting go of what people think
  • Self-compassion: letting go of perfectionism
  • A resilient spirit: letting go of numbing and powerlessness
  • Gratitude and joy: letting go of scarcity and fear of the dark
  • Intuition and trusting faith: letting go of the need for certainty
  • Creativity: letting go of comparison
  • Play and rest: letting go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as self-worth
  • Calm and stillness: letting go of anxiety as a lifestyle
  • Meaningful work: letting go of self-doubt and “supposed to”
  • Laughter, song, and dance: letting go of being cool and “always in control”.

― Brené Brown

I hope you enjoy them and get inspired to read the whole book.
Did you already read the book? How did you like it?
Let me know in the comments below.

With Love,
Alisson

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HOW TO BOOST YOUR CONFIDENCE

Confidence / noun:
A feeling of self-assurance arising from an appreciation of one´s own abilities or qualities.

Since last year I am working consciously to improve my self-love and self-appreciation. In this social media era, it gets hard sometimes, because I tent to compare myself to others, even though I know I should only compare myself to the person I used to be. It is a rollercoaster but I am getting better at it.

Last week on Instagram, I asked my followers “What does confidence means to you” and here are my favorite answers:

 

Ph: Marisa Elisa Photography

 

marisaelisa.jpg Confidence for me is being daring, having trust in myself, that one way or the other you will be able to cope with whatever life has in store for you. Seeing that there is no failure but just growth through good and bad. Having balance in mind and soul 🙏🏼

laurabbehnke Confidence is believing in who you are and what you’re doing without worrying what others think. That’s when you are at your best.

astrid_ray2004 Doing the things you love to do and inspire other people.

vegancouture_ At the core of it is self-love.

alexlight_ldn For me it’s feeling comfortable in my own skin.

sarada.sup Knowing your worth, Knowing your truth, self-love, and self-knowledge.

stylethesustainable Confidence is being happy with yourself and believing in what you do. We could all do with more of it at times! 💙

jonelinf Confidence is knowing that I am ok the way I am. Loving life and excepting that others are the way they are also helps. Confidence often has to do with the way we think others think about us. Letting that thought go is really helpful.

alisson_simmondsConfidence for me it´s to love and trust myself, not caring what others think, being honest and courageous.

We are all clear about what confidence is, but how do we growth confidence in ourselves? Here are some of the things that I do to help me boost my self-confidence:

1. Wear only clothes that you love at all times. 
The last months I have been busy with minimalizing my wardrobe, and one thing I learned is to wear and own only the clothes I love and make me feel good. Even when I work from home, I dress as if I´m going to the office. This helps me to feel good about myself at all times. I also have comfy clothes, but those I leave for the chill nights and Netflix kind of days.

Ph: Marisa Elisa Photography

2. Meditate.
Meditation has helped me to be at more in peace with my thoughts. I still have negative thoughts sometimes, but by meditating it helps me learn not to engage with those thoughts. It is a long process, but I feel every day better and the best thing is that I feel the improvement. I use an app called “Headspace“. At least 3 days per week I wake up 10 minutes earlier and do the meditation exercise for beginners.

3. Stop apologizing for everything.
I realized that I did say “I´m sorry” a lot. Sometimes to apologize for my awkwardness, my nervosity, my been loud… I realized I was apologizing too much for being me! I decided to consciously stop doing this. This has helped me to recognize how I am and to accept and love myself a little bit better. Of course, I do apologize when I do something wrong, I just stop apologizing for been myself.

4. Write on a diary.
Writing has helped me to release unnecessary stress and thoughts. On my diary, I write my struggles and my worries but also I write the positive things that happen in my life. Once I see them on paper I realized how blessed I am and this helps me to boost my self-love therefore my confidence. Besides a normal diary, I started a “confidence” diary from The Happiness Planner (see it here).  This is a 30 question journal that helps you think about your current confidence level and set goals to increase it and be confident in different aspects of life.

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Ph: https://thehappinessplanner.co.uk

5. Take care of your posture.
Working on the desk, walking, biking and most of the time, I remind myself to stand tall and straight. Once I do it I immediately feel better. I don´t know if its proven, but it’s a little thing that makes me feel good.

6. Exercise your gratitude.
Since I read the book “The magic by Rhonda Byrne” I have been using gratitude and it has improven my life. Being grateful for what I have in my life, for the simple reasons of been healthy, alive, and the people in my life is a humbling thing. It charges me with positivity and helps to improve my self image wich silently helps to boost my confidence as well.

Working on your confidence is a procces and it´s totally normal to feel bad at some points, and that´s ok. We are humans and we love to add a little bit of drama in our lifes. But when you are feeling down, try to accept it, feel bad for a while and move on.

I hope this tips helps you to boost your confidence. If you also have a good tip, please share it on the comments below.

With Love,

Alisson

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LOVE YOURSELF AND ALL YOUR FLAWS. YOU ARE A BADASS BY JEN SINCERO. FAVOURITE QUOTES.

Lack of confidence is a topic that I am currently working on. Since I am more active on social media, I feel more aware of my insecurities. Every time I post a picture I am aware that people might criticize. And for some time, it affected me. That´s when I realized that I needed to work on my self-esteem.

I have some personal insecurities and one of them has to do with my smile. It took me years to accept the fact that I have big gums and little teeth, and for that many years I was ashamed of laughing to hard because then my gums would show… How crazy is that right?  Just like this insecurity I have some other that I am currently working on. Thanks to my friend Laura, I started reading the book “You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life” by Jen Sincero. This book was for me a life changing experience. While reading it I highlighted my favourite quotes and here they are:

1. “What other people think about you has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.” ― Jen Sincero

2. “You created the reality you now exist in with your thoughts, which means you can use the very same power of thought to change it.” ― Jen Sincero

3. “What you choose to focus on becomes your reality.” ― Jen Sincero

4. “You are responsible for what you say and do. You are not responsible for whether or not people freak out about it.” ― Jen Sincero

5. “Our greatest fears are the greatest waste of time.” ― Jen Sincero

6. “Comparison is the fastest way to take all the fun out of life.” ― Jen Sincero

7. “It’s just as easy to believe we’re awesome as it is to believe we’re giant sucking things.” ― Jen Sincero

8. “So often, we pretend we’ve made a decision, when what we’ve really done is signed up to try until it gets too uncomfortable.” ― Jen Sincero

9. “All that matters is what’s true for you, and if you can stay connected to that without straying, you will be a mighty superhero.” ― Jen Sincero

10. “We are so unbelievably blessed to have all the things we have, all the opportunities and ideas and people and tasks and interests and experiences and responsibilities – choosing to freak out about it all, rather than enjoying the living of our lives, is like throwing pearls before swine. Such a waste of such a glorious gift.” ― Jen Sincero

Hello smiling Alisson. Hello to my gums and my little teeth! 🙂

11. “Holding on to my bad feelings about this is doing nothing but harming me, and everyone else, and preventing me from enjoying my life fully. I am an awesome person. I choose to enjoy my life. I choose to let this go.” ― Jen Sincero

12. “You need to go from wanting to change your life to deciding to change your life. If you want to live a life you’ve never lived, you’ve to do things you’ve never done.” ― Jen Sincero

13. “Say nice things about your body, dress it up, and take it out. Give it hot sex, luxurious baths, and massages. Move it, stretch it, nourish it, hydrate it, pay attention to it—The better our bodies feel, the happier and more productive we are.” ― Jen Sincero

14. “There will never be anyone exactly like you. You were given special gifts and talents to share with the world, and even though everybody has special gifts and talents, nobody will use theirs quite the same way you do.” ― Jen Sincero

15. “Our thoughts become our words, our words become our beliefs, our beliefs become our actions, our actions become our habits, and our habits become our realities.” ― Jen Sincero

16. “Follow what feels good in the moment, every moment, and it will lead you through a most excellent life.” ― Jen Sincero

17. “If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. —Lao Tzu; ancient Chinese philosopher, founder of Taoism, could have been one guy or a mythical compilation of many, nobody really knows for sure”” ― Jen Sincero

18. “You are loved. Massively. Ferociously. Unconditionally. The Universe is totally freaking out about how awesome you are. It’s got you wrapped in a warm gorilla hug of adoration. It wants to give you everything you desire. It wants you to be happy. It wants you to see what it sees in you.” ― Jen Sincero

19. “Forgiveness is all about taking care of you, not the person you need to forgive. It’s about putting your desire to feel good before your desire to be right. It’s about taking responsibility for your own happiness instead of pretending it’s in somebody else’s hands. It’s about owning your power by giving all your anger, resentment, and hurt the heave-ho.” ― Jen Sincero

20. “You are a badass. You were one when you came screaming onto this planet and you are one now. The Universe wouldn’t have bothered with you otherwise. You can’t screw up so majorly that your badassery disappears. It is who you are. It’s who you always will be. It’s not up for negotiation.” ― Jen Sincero

Badass quotes
My personal book of the month: You Are a Badass: How To Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life by Jen Sincero.

I hope you enjoy them and get inspired to read the whole book.
Did you already read the book? How did you like it? Leave the comments below!

P.S. You can buy the book in NL HERE or in English HERE.

With love,

alisson-simmonds-rosado-con-hoja