Sleep is very important for health. Everyone has heard about it. But when life gets busy, sleeping is the first thing to get sacrificed. This is actually very bad. Good sleep is as important as eating healthy and exercising. While we are sleeping, the body is working hard maintaining the immune system and metabolic function, processing the day’s memories and maintaining normal body weight, is rebuilding muscles that have been worn down during the day and is cleaning away harmful plaques and waste that is produced in the brain.
Sleep is also essential for the mind and emotions. Being sleep deprived can increase your emotional response to negative feelings by 60%. A lack of sleep makes it difficult for the body to regulate appetite, the immune system, good metabolic function and the ability to maintain normal body weight. Sleep plays an important role in regulating the circadian rhythm (AKA internal clock). This clock runs on a 24-hour schedule and regulates when you feel awake and sleepy. Not sleeping long enough, sleeping at odd times of the day and exposure to bright light at night may throw off this inner clock and the many processes it regulates.
The goal of this week is to sleep between 7 and 9 hours per night. If for you is really a challenge, start out by going to bed every day 15 minutes earlier than normal until you reach your wished night time.
Hopefully, you will join me on this week’s focus. If so, let’s connect on Instagram and exchange tips on how to go to bed earlier.
A clean house is the best way to start the day. It creates a good atmosphere which affects your mood in a positive way. But with our busy life and a full schedule, we might not feel like cleaning as soon as we have a spot free. Luckily, it can be an easy task to do. I have gathered for you some easy and effective tips:
Set the timer for 20 minutes every night. Clean as much as you can during that time. You will be surprised.
Clean the kitchen after every meal. Wash the dishes, or organized them in the dishwasher. Wipe the table and the surfaces with a wet towel.
Use baking soda, vinegar, and lemon to clean everything.
Make it teamwork. Divide the work with your roommate so it doesn’t feel that you are doing everything alone.
Use that time to listen to a podcast. From sustainability to parenting and personal growth there are some great podcasts to listen to.
Declutter your house on a regular basis. The fewer things you have, the less time you have to spend cleaning.
Have a home for all the things in your house. When you use something, bring it back to its place right away.
Fill a spray bottle with half water, half all-purpose cleanser. Put it in the bathroom. Spray every night after brushing your teeth and wipe it clean with a towel. You can do the same in the kitchen and spray the surfaces every night.
As a summary: do it regularly, make it more enjoyable, involve your roommates/kids and declutter on a regular basis.
This month I celebrate that I live in The Netherlands for three years. It’s the third country I have lived in and the third one I call home. Before NL I lived in Germany. I thought I didn’t need to integrate or learn about the culture anymore. But the past three years have totally shown me the opposite. I already blogged about 12 crazy things that Dutchies do, but today, I want to share with you twelve more habits that I haven’t seen people doing in any other place I’ve lived before. Get ready!
Dutch people love bread. For breakfast and for lunch, bread is the Dutchies favorite food. Every Saturday before doing grocery shopping, a good Dutchie makes space in the freezer to be sure that the four extra loaves of bread will fit so a happy week can begin. Dutchies know every trick on how to unfroze bread. The favorite trick is to put the bread on top of the heather or on a spot where a sun ray is shining.
2. A closet full of food
A typical Dutchie house has a special place, mostly under the stairs. Full of food! They call it a ‘voorraadkast’. Three pots of peanut butter, five bars of chocolate, twenty different kinds of cookies, chips, cans of soup, bottles of cola, beer, cleaning stuff… Dutchies are well prepared in case of… war? a surprise party?
3. Birthday calendar The best place to remember when ‘tante Marijke’ has birthday number sixty, is in the comfort of the toilet. Dutchies love to hang birthday calendars in their bathrooms. More precisely in the guest bathroom. It’s very handy to remind yourself that you have to send a ‘verjaardagskaart’ when you are doing your business.
4. But please only one When you get invited to have a coffee at the house of the parents of your Dutchie partner, remember to answer with the word ‘lekker’ when they ask you if you want coffee. Besides coffee, you will be offered cookies, chocolate OR cake. OR, not AND. This means you are expected to eat only this one thing you choose. If you happen to eat more than one piece, you can expect a comment like ‘Oh, but you already had one’ or ‘you must be hungry’. It makes you feel very guilty about eating two or more pieces of sweet. This rule applies to birthdays as well. There might be three different cakes. But you are allowed to choose only one piece.
5. Is water not ok? As soon as you visit a Dutchie, you will be asked ‘Wat wil je drinken?’ (What do you want to drink?). Coffee, tea, something fresh, juice? You are not even done hanging your coat and you are already welcomed with that question. If you politely answer the question with just some tap water, your Dutchie host will surprisingly repeat that you could get a soda or a juice instead. Dutchies don’t like to offer water. I guess they don’t want you to think that they are cheap?
A well-respected Dutchie goes or has been going to ANWB’s recommended campings of the south of France and Italy in the summer. When I hear my Dutch partner talk about camping, I imagine a tent in nature, ‘The Revenant’ style. Oh, how wrong I was. Dutchies go camping deluxe. They take their whole house with them (camping version). From cutlery, pans, pots, cups, chairs, fridge, heater, veranda to air mattress plus bed. Dutchies have all they need to go camping for weeks. The campings have, all they need to survive in nature. Washing machines, restaurants, swimming pool, disco, pubs… 7. The (test) emergency alarm
Don’t be scared if you hear a frightening sound on the streets in the middle of the day. It’s not that the Hunger Games have started. It’s probably 12:00am on the first Monday of the month. The day where the emergency alarm gets tested in the whole country. Dutchies are used to it and just ignore it. I keep on fantasizing about being the chosen one to represent my district. Now for real. What happens if there is an emergency on the first Monday of the month at 12 o’clock?
If you want to show off in front of your Dutch friends or colleagues, just add the word ‘dus’ (‘so’) in all of your sentences. At the beginning or at the end, Duchies use the word ‘dus’ a lot! It can be used to communicate a wide range of thoughts, feelings, and emotions. It can be everything from an angry stopword to a suggestive come on and more.
Most countries will have a few safe firework displays on New Year’s Eve. It starts at midnight and lasts around 20-30 minutes. And that’s it with the fireworks. Everyone can go back to the party. On the other hand, in The Netherlands, the fireworks are the party. Every year Dutchies spend a lot of money and go fireworks-mad. The steady stream of fireworks begins the 31st of December around noon. Climaxing with utter chaos at midnight. Grown-ups and !children! will light up the fireworks one after another until around 2:00am. I’ve never seen anything like this. I might be a party pooper, but this custom I dislike a lot. And by the way, my dog as well (he’s from Spain).
10. Dutch old houses… why? Most of the old houses in The Netherlands are designed very weirdly. In theory, the idea is good. It’s all about hygiene. But in practice: super annoying. I am talking about having the toilet separate from the shower. Not only in a different room but on another floor! And how about the mini sink that you can’t actually use, so you end up washing your hands in the kitchen. And please! Why old houses have dangerous stairs?
Walking around the city at around June – July you will wonder two things. The first is why do Dutchies hang the Dutch flag in the middle of the summer. And the second is why is there a backpack hanging below the flag? Well, Dutchies are very proud to announce that they have a graduated kid from school. So proud the whole neighborhood should know. I think this weird tradition is actually cool! I guess this is a way of saying goodbye to school and embrace new changes.
December is the most wonderful time of the year. Dutchies makes sure of that. The celebrations start on December 5th with Sinterklaas. A holy old man that comes all the way from Spain on a steamboat to bring you presents. You set your shoe by the chimney and Sinterklaas, fills it with treats. Then the 24th there’s Christmas evening, the 25th is the first Christmas day where Santa Claus (or the Kerstman) brings more gifts. And because two days of Christmas is too less to get around to all friends and family Dutchies also celebrate the second Christmas day on the 26th. So much Christmas. I love it!
I´m going to leave the ‘haring”, the real-life doll when someone turns 50 and some more loco things for next year. For now, I can only say that even though the Dutch culture is different than mine, I have learned to like it and embrace it. Some things I find funny, others I really like and I´m learning from them.
Thanks to all the Dutchies that have embraced me and made me feel welcome in The Netherlands the past years.
Nine months I spend preparing myself for the day of giving birth. I was mentally and physically ready (Although, I thought I was. But that topic deserves another post) I went to centering pregnancy, took breathing technique lessons and read about hypnobirthing. The big day of giving birth came and after a sixteen-hour rollercoaster of emotions and pain, my baby was out. I survived the most anticipated day. I knew it was going to be hard, painful and intense and I thought that was it. I finally made it to my last chapter of the childbirth lessons book. But, it turned out that a lot of things happen before you even leave the hospital that I didn’t learn in class, and no one ever mentioned. I’m going to share those things with you. Not to scare you, but to prepare you. Here they are:
As soon as my baby was out and on my chest, I felt overwhelmed. Tired of pushing and not understanding what was happening.
The umbilical cord was still attached to the baby and placenta. The cord feels very warm and weird.
I immediately lose my heavy pregnant belly, but I still looked like when I was 20 weeks pregnant.
The black line which divides the belly decided to stay with me. I have read that it might stay for some indefinite time. I still have it after 15 weeks PP.
After the nurses and doctors have seen me naked and vulnerable, I lost all the modesty. I wasn’t ashamed of anything anymore.
As soon as the baby is out (actually since the pushing part begins) I started to lose blood. A lot! The bleeding doesn’t stop up until six weeks PP. Some women are lucky and bleed less, some other bleed longer. But you will bleed for sure.
The first time walking from the hospital bed to the shower feels painful and shaky. It might be only five steps but it can feel like hundred meters.
Showering feels actually very good. It might be painful to shower standing. You can ask your partner or a nurse to bring you a chair and put some towels to sit on.
The first-time peeing. Not only pee but also blood and a lot of other weird looking stinky fluid comes out of your precious body. It doesn’t hurt, and the water just comes out without needing to put any pressure. But it can be surprising to see where all those fluids come from. At home, it might be more convenient to pee in the shower and clean yourself with water afterward.
The first-time pooping is scary. The muscles are very sore and because of the pushing work, you will lose sensibility on your back door. This causes that you won’t really feel that you are pooping but you are actually doing it. This sensation (or lack of) can last a couple of days or even weeks. My tip: eat a lot of fiber in order to have a good digestion. And not have any constipation problem.
You won’t be able to control your farts. So yes, the farts will come out without you even noticing. Only the smell will betray you. The smell is worse than when you have a heavy stomach disease. I guess the smell is a combination of blood, poop and your body recovering. This situation can last for weeks. At some point, you will get used to it and let the gas out without apologies.
Sitting down on the bed or on a chair is very painful. If you had an episiotomy it’s going to be even more painful. The pain might take days or even weeks to go away completely.
A couple of hours after giving birth, a nurse will help you to hand express milk for your baby. Because you don’t have any modesty you just let her hand press your tender breasts.
Breastfeeding might be painful in the beginning. You can have blisters and it can get bloody. Everyone will tell you to just hang in there and you will like to punch everyone in the face. But the pain will go away indeed. My tip: shower with warm water and massage your breasts. Before wearing your bra put some Lanolin on your nipples. If you still have a lot of pain, try a nipple shield.
The first days PP you will still feel little contractions every time you are breastfeeding. This is because the uterus is slowly shrinking back down to its pre-birth size.
Breastfeeding is exhausting. The first days, you will need to feed your baby every three to four hours. This is in order to get your production going on. You wake up often because newborns normally sleep just a little. If you are lucky, your baby will sleep longer at night for a couple of days on. I wasn’t so lucky and my baby woke up every three hours (day and night!) to eat until she was around twelve weeks old.
The lack of sleep and the hormones will make you think that you are crazy. You might wake up in the middle of the night and not remember if you already fed your baby or just dreamed it.
Some nights you might be so tired you’ll consider letting your baby cry a little bit longer to wake up feeling like the worst mother in the world. Just remember it’s not you. It’s the lack of sleep talking. Consider asking for help so that you can catch up some sleep during the day.
You will get hot. Not the good looking hot, but the one that makes you wake up in the middle of the night in a pool of sweat.
Your breast might leak while you are sleeping. Since you are already in a pool of sweat why not add more liquids to it, right?
You won’t be able to sleep on your stomach for a couple of days or weeks PP. If (like me) this is what you miss the most while you’re being heavily pregnant, I have bad news. The first days PP it’s very painful to sleep on the stomach due to the engorged breasts. If you continue breastfeeding it stays uncomfortable to sleep on the stomach.
If you got an episiotomy, around the fourth day PP, the stitches will hurt a lot. More than the days before. So much that you will wake up crying thinking that you can’t deal with this anymore. As soon as the stitches start healing they pull the skin together and this feels like a burning sensation. This pain will eventually go away. Make sure you put cold compresses and leave your wound aired.
You might miss your pregnant belly and won’t be able to make the link to the baby and the missing the belly.
You might not miss your pregnant belly and be the happiest person again. And that is totally fine. (My case 😉 )
You might feel depressed and find this is too much for you to handle. This is totally normal. Try to recognize these feelings and ask for professional help.
This list is made out of my postpartum experience. Remember that this is different for every woman. Don’t be freaked out by my list, but be prepared for some heavy days full of discomfort and pain. After the pain is gone and you can fully enjoy your new family it will feel like it was all worth it.
It took me some time to accept my pregnancy. I wasn’t prepared for the changes to come, and deep inside I didn’t want anything to change. I had no other choice but to give in. Fast. Nature gives me only nine months to prepare for everything that’s about to come. From the beginning, I knew that it was going to be hard. But now at the 38th week of my pregnancy, I am surprised about how much positive things I have learned about myself and my body. What I didn’t expect was how much this change would open up my eyes to other aspects of life.
All the time I was neglecting my pregnancy I was assuming that only the worst things were going to happen. It took me some mind training and a lot of conversations to realize that it can go well as well. Getting pregnant unexpected can be fulfilling, enlightening and empowering too. It may be the hormones, but I am almost sure it was my mindset. The mind has the ability to make us go crazy but it also has the ability to make us feel better. It’s not easy, but I have learned that it’s better to let the negative thoughts go and to adopt a positive attitude. And more important: to live in the present. This has made me a better person, hopefully 🙂
I still have a lot to learn, but I thought it may be nice to share the things that pregnancy has taught me about life.
1. Inhale, exhale. Everything is OK. Even when it doesn’t feel like it.
The hardest part of my unplanned pregnancy was the strong grip of fear, doubt, and resistance for what was happening. Slowly, I have been learning to be more aware what is really going on, and that self-doubt clouds my judgment, suffocating me. Even the worst situations can turn into a better one by changing the perspective. Our minds are used to think the worst of everything instead of the best. We are pessimistic by default. Now I am finally aware of this, I find it easier to change the perspective of situations. I start to embrace my pregnancy.
2. Learn to listen to my body.
During my pregnancy, it was the first time I paid attention to my body’s needs. I used to work over-hours and skip lunches or any other meals. I never slept long and if I did, I felt guilty about it. Now I learned to listen to my body. I take the time to rest and eat and I stop when I am tired. The physical changes play a very important role here. The bigger I was growing, the less I could do. But the less I cared about that. I learned to care less when I didn’t make it to answer emails or to clean the kitchen.
3. Say no without feeling guilty.
I used to be one of those girls who says yes while my head is telling me no. I found it very hard to say no to a boss, to neglect an event I didn’t want to attend or to refuse a phone call… Now I don’t have the energy to spill it, so I have learned to choose well what I really want to do and kindly refuse what I don’t want to do. These choices led me to a happier life. I know I am not the only one here. We are not used to protecting ourselves and set boundaries.
4. Do nothing and enjoy it.
We live in a world where we always need to be doing something productive. When we meet family and friends we only discuss how well we are doing our work and how it goes financially. For me, it was very hard to go back to be a ‘kid’ and lay down on the sofa for half a day and listen to music. Or even take a nap. I was a victim of this generations motto and blamed myself for wasting my time while not being productive. Now I feel good and take more time to rest during the day. Paradoxically this gives me more energy to continue doing my things with a more positive attitude.
5. Let go of control.
This has been the biggest lesson I have learned during the pregnancy. It also has a lot to do with physical changes. I used to plan my to-do list every morning and be very strict with it. Even if it was late in the day, I had to finish the list. Since the pregnancy, I can never predict how I’m going to feel. I might wake up feeling good and energetic, but suddenly get heavy heart palpitations which tell me that I have to stop everything and lay down. That makes all my plans go away for the rest of the day. Well, tomorrow is another day. This mantra helped me to get through the first times that I had to stop what I was doing and just rest. These situations have taught me that I don’t have to control every little thing. This is a lesson I’m continuing to learn and re-learn.
I know I’m going to learn even more lessons once the baby comes. For now, I’m grateful for what I’ve learned already, and I can’t wait to see what comes next.
As you might know, I was unexpectedly pregnant and not busy at all with anything that has to do with the topic. The information I had about pregnancy came from movies, series and some women who shared their experience with me. I thought I knew what to expect: tiredness, vomiting and feeling nausea. I survived the first 27 weeks and realized that there were many things I didn’t know. Every single woman has different experiences but here are a few of the things I’ve learned from my own pregnancy.
It took me some time to accept this pregnancy and to go through my first weeks. Forget everything you have seen in movies. This is how it really feels:
1. The pregnancy test is positive, let’s call the doctor! Wrong! I live in The Netherlands, where pregnancy is followed by midwives. The chances that you will see a doctor are very little. The first thing you have to do when a pregnancy test is positive is to call your midwife. Don’t feel surprised when you get your next appointment in at least four more weeks! They will first want to see you when you are 8+ weeks pregnant. And remember: you are pregnant from the first day of your last period. Make sure you have your agenda with you when you do the phone call.
2. If everything is alright, you will only have one sonogram per trimester.
If you are as naive as me and think you will get a sonogram every month, you are wrong. If everything is ok you will only get one per trimester plus the one at 8 weeks. In total, you will have one sonogram at 8 weeks, at 20 weeks, at 30+ and one close to the due date to see if the baby is positioned well.
3. Your belly is not growing but your hips and butt are.
Say goodbye to your normal jeans and say hello to: leggings? Well yes. You will be too big for your normal clothes, but too thin for maternity clothes. Much of the first trimester is a strange experience. You know that you are pregnant, but you don’t feel pregnant.
4. From one day to the other you will turn into a dog
Oh, all those smells you didn’t mind before, you do mind now. A lot. I couldn’t stand the smell of onion, red bell pepper, my kitchen, my bathroom, dirty clothes, the sink…
5. Morning sickness or better yet all-day-sickness
From the moment you wake up until the moment you go to sleep you might feel nausea and disgusted by food. I couldn’t eat anything until 4-5 pm. Besides dry crackers, everything else made me want to throw up. This feeling started to disappear from the 14th week on.
6. You will forget what it’s like to eat normal food again
Crazy cravings are something inevitable. But for me, rather than cravings, I got into a fight with some ingredients. I couldn’t see or smell onions, leeks, red bell pepper or spinach. As a vegan, it was hard sometimes to cook without those ingredients. Luckily my partner did all the cooking because I felt too nauseated to cook.
7. Your breasts will get bigger Or not, like mine. My boobs haven’t got any bigger and there’s a big chance that it’s going to stay that way. For my mother, it was the same, but she was still able to breastfeed three beautiful daughters. It’s really true that not all women are the same.
8. The pregnancy glow
Before looking pretty and radiant you might look ugly and tired. During the first 20 weeks of pregnancy my skin started to change, I had more freckles than before, my scalp began to get dry and my hair began to fall off, which gave me empty spots in my scalp. Luckily now, after 27 weeks all those things disappeared. I wouldn’t consider that I glow, but I don’t have those symptoms which made me feel “ugly” anymore.
9. The tiredness is real Your new bestie is your bed. You will spend the whole day dreaming about when you will get to lie your head on your pillow again. Some days I could sleep all day, wake up to eat and go back and rest again. You will feel bad – when your husband has been neglected. You get over it quickly and then get kind of mad that he doesn’t have to feel like a big piece of poop like you. Totally unfair. This feeling of being tired all the time disappeared when I was around week 14. Slowly it started to come back at week 16 and it keeps on during my pregnancy so far.
10. Sleep on your belly while you still can
From week 20+ it starts to get challenging to sleep. You can only sleep on your right side, and you will constantly wake up to go to the bathroom. By week 25 it gets really difficult for me to sleep comfortably without waking up in the middle of the night to find a comfortable position. On my right side I get heartburn and on my back, I can’t breath good. The only side I can sleep on is the right one. Just the one side I was not used to.
11. Say goodbye to the morning sickness, say hello to more discomfort As soon as you start to feel better about the morning sickness, other discomforts may appear. For me, I felt good for about one week and then some pains started to come up. The body is constantly changing and adjusting to the new life you are creating. For me, it started with heavy migraines. From one day to the other I had a very bad headache that turned into a migraine. It lasted two days and went away. Then a lower back pain and pelvic pain followed. Some days it was heavier than others. It lasted a couple of weeks but it eventually went away. Suddenly I started having heartburn. That is a burning sensation in your chest after you eat. It’s caused by the hormonal and physical changes that happen in your body. This symptom disappeared after a couple of times. Since the beginning of the pregnancy I was having bladder control problems, but since week 24 it got worse. I might need to do some pelvic exercises to get back my control. Since my body is making extra blood from week 20, I started to have heart palpitations. This extra blood results in a heart rate that’s about 25 percent faster than usual. This feels like your heart is beating extremely fast. Heart palpitations can be normal and nonharmful during pregnancy. When I feel it, I have to sit down, breath and wait for it to pass. The latest discomforts I have are leg cramps, thanks to my growing belly and the pressure from my growing uterus. All these discomforts are for a good cause. But we are still allowed to joke about it right?
12. From one day to the other your belly will grow
I spend the first 5 months waiting for the belly to start showing. Sometimes it got a little bit awkward because people started wondering if I was really pregnant. When someone asked how the baby was doing, I felt insecure because the belly was still small. As if something was wrong with the baby. Suddenly between week 24 and 25, my belly started to show. But it wasn’t until week 27 that you could really see the belly very well. Some women have big bellies, some small, but the size has nothing to do with the health of the baby. This was my mantra to avoid feeling bad when someone had a negative comment on my small bump.
13. You will question everything
The voice in your head can make you crazy. Suddenly from the second semester on, I developed a little voice in my head, suggesting that I was doing everything wrong and probably was killing my baby. You start questioning everything you do, from the way you sleep to what you eat and so on. I am a little bit controlling so maybe this symptom was bound to be worse for me. My Google searches showed me that it’s clear that many women are asking the same questions: “Is it okay to do this? Is it bad to drink that?”. The best thing to do is to let go and trust that everything is alright. Because most of the times, EVERYTHING IS ALRIGHT.
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Being pregnant is a miracle. The female body is a miracle. To be able to grow a life inside is almost surreal. Even though being pregnant has been tiring for me, I try to celebrate the good things and not to focus on these annoying symptoms. So, my dear fellow pregnant friends, let’s all relax and enjoy this moment. (I’m saying this now because I had a good night of sleep. Tomorrow I might feel annoyed by my own advice).
Since last year I am consciously working to improve my self-love and self-appreciation. In this social media era, it get’s hard sometimes because I tend to compare myself to others. This leaves me to believe that I am ‘not good enough’. It is a rollercoaster of emotions but I am getting better at ignoring these thoughts.
To keep my mind fit I like to read books and watch TED talks about these topics. Last summer I came across this talk about vulnerability by the Dr. Brené Brown:
As soon as the talk was finished, I discovered that Brené Brown has written a couple of books where she explains topics like authenticity and worthiness. I decided to learn more about it and got the book “Rising Strong: The Reckoning, The Rumble, The Revolution”. This book teaches us to rise from our falls, overcome our mistakes, and face hurt in a way that brings more wisdom and wholeheartedness. Brené describes this in a three-step process:
The Reckoning: Accepting our story and be aware of our emotions. Allow yourself to be curious about your emotions and how they connect with the way we think and behave.
The Rumble: Owning our story. Get honest about the stories we tell about ourselves. Then challenge these assumptions to determine what’s truth, what’s self-protection, and what needs to change if we want to lead a more wholehearted life.
The Revolution: Writing a new ending to our story based on the learnings from our rumble and use this new story to change how we engage with the world.
Today I want to share my favorite quotes of the book with you:
“Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.” ― Brené Brown
“There are too many people today who instead of feeling hurt are acting out their hurt; instead of acknowledging pain, they’re inflicting pain on others. Rather than risking feeling disappointed, they’re choosing to live disappointed.” ― Brené Brown
“The opposite of recognizing that we’re feeling something is denying our emotions. The opposite of being curious is disengaging. When we deny our stories and disengage from tough emotions, they don’t go away; instead, they own us, they define us. Our job is not to deny the story, but to defy the ending—to rise strong, recognize our story, and rumble with the truth until we get to a place where we think, Yes. This is what happened. This is my truth. And I will choose how this story ends.” ― Brené Brown
“…sometimes when we are beating ourselves up, we need to stop and say to that harassing voice inside, “Man, I’m doing the very best I can right now.” ” ― Brené Brown
“C. S. Lewis captured this so beautifully in one of my favorite quotes of all time: To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” ― Brené Brown
“I define wholehearted living as engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough. It’s going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am brave and worthy of love and belonging.” ― Brené Brown
“TEN GUIDEPOSTS FOR WHOLEHEARTED LIVING” Cultivating:
Authenticity: letting go of what people think
Self-compassion: letting go of perfectionism
A resilient spirit: letting go of numbing and powerlessness
Gratitude and joy: letting go of scarcity and fear of the dark
Intuition and trusting faith: letting go of the need for certainty
Creativity: letting go of comparison
Play and rest: letting go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as self-worth
Calm and stillness: letting go of anxiety as a lifestyle
Meaningful work: letting go of self-doubt and “supposed to”
Laughter, song, and dance: letting go of being cool and “always in control”.
― Brené Brown
I hope you enjoy them and get inspired to read the whole book.
Did you already read the book? How did you like it?
Let me know in the comments below.
On a normal day at work, I was feeling a little bit sick and extremely tired. All of a sudden, I threw up and the realization came to me: I’m pregnant. My husband came to pick me up and on the road home, we stopped at the pharmacy to buy a pregnancy test.
Next morning I peed on the little stick and before I had the time to think what was going on, the stick revealed: I was 5+ weeks pregnant. Suddenly I felt numb, lost and overwhelmed. I couldn’t believe that it was happening.
My partner and I have had the “baby” conversation before and we agreed on having children. But I never expected it to happen so soon. My negative thoughts and all the anxiety led me to a state ofdenial and feeling shock during the first four months of my pregnancy. This pregnancy is not necessarily unwanted, it just came as a surprise accompanied by emotions, completely different to how I thought women are supposed to feel about pregnancy.
I am a grown-up woman, married tothe love of my life, living in a beautiful and spacious house with an adopted dog, we are financially ok and I feel very blessed to be able to get pregnant. Wasn’t I supposed to be happy now?…. Cause I didn’t feel happy at all. Mentally I wasn’t prepared to have a baby yet, and I was not feeling joy orhappiness with the newreality of becominga mother in onlyeight months. Though, about one thing I was sure: Our baby is definitely welcome.
Being pregnant is something I have always associatedwith something bad. Thus, ever since I started to be sexually active, I have been protecting myself against an unwanted pregnancy and I have even had discussions with friends about the different birth controls methods.
Athought that kept me from feeling good is that being pregnant is not so common anymore at my age. I honestly wanted to wait until turning thirty and have a more “successful” career first. In my group of girlfriends, we all felt that way – aswanting to becomeindependent women that workand succeed in something.It seemed as if being a mother, at this age,didn´t go hand in hand with those goals.
So from one day to the other, I had to accept that it´s ok to be pregnant;that I am old enough and prepared to be a mother. Wait there, a mother! Me?!
During my first months, I didn’t tell anyone of my friends and family. My partner and I sought help from the midwife. She was very helpful and referred me to see a specialist in women’s mental health. That’s where my journey to acceptance began.
By talking openly about it, I learned that all the thoughts I had about pregnancy and how women should feel, came from unrealistic sources. I have based my images on movies, series, commercials and on pregnant women in general. Talking with the psychologist and other women with similar issues, made me realize that not everyone feels thrilled about pregnancy and parenting. But the feeling of shame and guilt that comes with not feeling what society tells you one should feel,makes it hard to talk about it. I think it’s not socially acceptable to feel bad for being pregnant because, on the other hand, there are lots of women struggling to becomepregnant. In a way, others might have more difficulties than onehas. And while I acknowledge that all of that is true, it does not take away from the fact that becoming pregnant at a time when I wasn’t mentally prepared for it, was also very difficult to process.
Coping with an unplanned pregnancy requires time, space and a network of support. For a few weeks, I felt overwhelmed, lonely and lost. But then, with the help of a midwife, a psychologist, my partner, and Google, I found the energy to do things to make me feel better. To start, I let go of all the beliefs I had about how I was supposed to feel. I allowed myself to feel everything I was feeling: Sadness, grief, gratitude, worry, confusion, excitement. It was a rollercoaster of emotions. But by allowing myself to feel them, they went through my systemandaway. I started to remind myself that these negative feelings didn’t make me a bad person. It also didn’t mean that I don’t love the baby I carry.
I alsofound peace at doing things at my own pace. I put on hold all the side things that I wasn’t ready to do. Such as: start telling my family and friends, downloading pregnancy apps, buying clothes, -“how to” books, baby clothes, nursery, toys and all ofthat. I just didn’t start with this until I felt ready.I decided to firstfocus on my mental health andto onlystress about those other things after.
By staying true to what I felt, I started to feel better. It took me four months to tell my family and friends that I was pregnant. To my surprise, they responded with nothing but joy, and completely understood how I had felt.
A couple of months ago, it wasn’t in my short-term plans yet to become a mother. My life doesn’t look like now,how I thought it was going to look like, but I feel good about it. I have overcome unexpected situations before, and I know I can do this as well. I have the support of my partner who has been amazing throughout the process. Not ever, hashe given me any negative feelings.His happiness and positivism helped mecope better with the situation. He is open to adjusting his life and to do this together with me. I have come to realize that I can still do the things I want to do, and it’s more fun knowing that I will have my family to share themwith.
Are you or were you feeling like this during your pregnancy? How did you cope with these feelings? Leave me your tips in the comments below.
Because I don’t only want to complain, I made a list of funny pregnancy memes. Check it out here and let’s have a laugh!
Confidence / noun:
A feeling of self-assurance arising from an appreciation of one´s own abilities or qualities.
Since last year I am working consciously to improve my self-love and self-appreciation. In this social media era, it gets hard sometimes, because I tent to compare myself to others, even though I know I should only compare myself to the person I used to be. It is a rollercoaster but I am getting better at it.
Last week on Instagram, I asked my followers “What does confidence means to you” and here are my favorite answers:
marisaelisa.jpg Confidence for me is being daring, having trust in myself, that one way or the other you will be able to cope with whatever life has in store for you. Seeing that there is no failure but just growth through good and bad. Having balance in mind and soul 🙏🏼
laurabbehnke Confidence is believing in who you are and what you’re doing without worrying what others think. That’s when you are at your best.
astrid_ray2004 Doing the things you love to do and inspire other people.
sarada.sup Knowing your worth, Knowing your truth, self-love, and self-knowledge.
stylethesustainable Confidence is being happy with yourself and believing in what you do. We could all do with more of it at times! 💙
jonelinf Confidence is knowing that I am ok the way I am. Loving life and excepting that others are the way they are also helps. Confidence often has to do with the way we think others think about us. Letting that thought go is really helpful.
alisson_simmondsConfidence for me it´s to love and trust myself, not caring what others think, being honest and courageous.
We are all clear about what confidence is, but how do we growth confidence in ourselves? Here are some of the things that I do to help me boost my self-confidence:
1. Wear only clothes that you love at all times.
The last months I have been busy with minimalizing my wardrobe, and one thing I learned is to wear and own only the clothes I love and make me feel good. Even when I work from home, I dress as if I´m going to the office. This helps me to feel good about myself at all times. I also have comfy clothes, but those I leave for the chill nights and Netflix kind of days.
Meditation has helped me to be at more in peace with my thoughts. I still have negative thoughts sometimes, but by meditating it helps me learn not to engage with those thoughts. It is a long process, but I feel every day better and the best thing is that I feel the improvement. I use an app called “Headspace“. At least 3 days per week I wake up 10 minutes earlier and do the meditation exercise for beginners.
3. Stop apologizing for everything.
I realized that I did say “I´m sorry” a lot. Sometimes to apologize for my awkwardness, my nervosity, my been loud… I realized I was apologizing too much for being me! I decided to consciously stop doing this. This has helped me to recognize how I am and to accept and love myself a little bit better. Of course, I do apologize when I do something wrong, I just stop apologizing for been myself.
4. Write on a diary.
Writing has helped me to release unnecessary stress and thoughts. On my diary, I write my struggles and my worries but also I write the positive things that happen in my life. Once I see them on paper I realized how blessed I am and this helps me to boost my self-love therefore my confidence. Besides a normal diary, I started a “confidence” diary from The Happiness Planner (see it here). This is a 30 question journal that helps you think about your current confidence level and set goals to increase it and be confident in different aspects of life.
5. Take care of your posture.
Working on the desk, walking, biking and most of the time, I remind myself to stand tall and straight. Once I do it I immediately feel better. I don´t know if its proven, but it’s a little thing that makes me feel good.
6. Exercise your gratitude.
Since I read the book “The magic by Rhonda Byrne” I have been using gratitude and it has improven my life. Being grateful for what I have in my life, for the simple reasons of been healthy, alive, and the people in my life is a humbling thing. It charges me with positivity and helps to improve my self image wich silently helps to boost my confidence as well.
Working on your confidence is a procces and it´s totally normal to feel bad at some points, and that´s ok. We are humans and we love to add a little bit of drama in our lifes. But when you are feeling down, try to accept it, feel bad for a while and move on.
I hope this tips helps you to boost your confidence. If you also have a good tip, please share it on the comments below.
This month I celebrate that I’ve been living in The Netherlands for two years. It’s the third country I have lived in and the third one I call home. Before NL I lived in Germany, so I thought I didn’t need to integrate or learn about the culture anymore. I genuinely thought that Dutchies are similar to my last homies, the Germans. These two years have totally shown me the opposite. With you, today, I want to share the things Dutch people do that I haven’t seen people doing in any other place I’ve lived before. Get ready!
1. Three kisses
Dutch people greet with three kisses. I had to get used to that. But it get’s even more confusing when after you gain some trust with the person you greet, three kisses will eventually turn into one. This makes you feel totally weird because you finally got used to the three kisses. I know my in-laws for seven years now, and it still doesn’t get less awkward.
2. Congratulations to everyone!
When someone of your family or friends celebrates his birthday, not only the birthday person gets congratulated, all the family members as well! Please note that only the birthday person will get a present and not you.. 🙂
3. Boterham Instead of just calling it a sandwich, in NL there is one right word to name the piece of bread you eat during breakfast or lunch.. ‘Boterham’! The Dutchies take the word very serious because they spread butter on the boterham before any other spread comes over it. So here is how it goes: Bread + butter + Nutella. Or, bread + butter + jam. Or, bread + butter + peanut butter, bread + butter + hagelslag… You get the point?
4. Werkse, sterkte, sportse!
Dutch people are very kind. So kind that they have a word to wish you a good day at work: werkse! A good day at the gym: sportse! A good day when you are feeling sad or sick: sterkte.
5. The cheaper, the better
If you ever give a nice compliment about a piece of clothing or accessory to a Dutch person, they don´t only thank you for that. As well they will answer you with pride that they bought it on sale for 70% less of the price. Oh! how they love to show you they made a cheap deal..!
6. Names Gijs, Thijs, Tijn, Matthijs, Stijn, Marijn, Merijn, Martijn, Tijmen, Jasmijn, Gert, Meike, Verlee, Kaj, Joost, Koen… Odds are that if you don´t speak Dutch, you are pronouncing them all wrong! Dutch parents like to give their kid names that are very hard to pronounce for non-Dutch speakers. On top of that, some kids have two names. A real name and a ‘roep’name”. Example: His real name is Gerrit but the name of how to call him is Gert… Say Whut!?
7. The weather
It is very common to see these highlights in the news: ‘today is the coldest/warmest day ever since… last month?’, “Today a heavy storm is coming to the coast, code red everyone! The storm will last two minutes. Better be safe!” Everyone in The Netherlands loves the news about the weather. Better yet, they all know everything about it, thanks to the app: Buienradar. On this app, they can see the exact time it will rain and for how long. Can you imagine how I feel, when at 11 am the sun is shining, and then I hear my Dutch colleagues telling me “Oh but today there’s going to be a storm around 8 pm”. I think Dutch people secretly love the rain.
8. Biking to anywhere. Regardless the weather. There is nothing that can stop Dutchies biking to work or school. Rain, snow, ice… Dutchies are unstoppable. My first surprise ever was back in 2013 when I did an internship in a design office in Amsterdam. It was the first rainy day since I started and while I was looking through the window, wondering if I should wait until the rain stops or go walking to work with an umbrella, the outside life looked as normal as ever. People wear their Hema rain suits, hop on the bike and off they go. Some even biked with an umbrella! I did go walking to work that day and when I arrived all my colleagues were soaking wet, hair all messy, jeans wet. But that´s not a reason to stop working. Just hang your wet jacket, shake your hair and the day can begin.
Oh, and the Dutchies are so handy with their bikes. Don´t be shocked to see how they bring their three kids to school on a bike, with the dog on the leash and while biking they are putting on their jackets! In the mean time, it still takes me five minutes to lock and unlock my bike.
9. Lekker The favorite word of the Dutchies: ‘Lekker’. It means tasty, and mostly it refers to food, but Dutchies find some other things tasty as well. It´s common to hear:
– lekkere broodjes of soep (tasty sandwiches, soup – food related)
– lekker rustig (when it’s nice and quiet)
– lekker weer (when the weather is good, finally)
– niet lekker (when something is not tasty)
– slaap lekker (sweet dreams)
-lekker gezond (when something is healthy)
– lekker ruim (when a place is spacious)
– lekker biertje (when they drink the first beer of the weekend)
– lekker! (the answer when someone asks if you want coffee. Please note: You never answer yes or no, you answer with lekker and always accept the coffee)
10. Coffee O´ Clock
Dutch people drink coffee ANYTIME, the WHOLE DAY and I am not exaggerating. The first coffee is in the morning, then in the middle of the morning, then after lunch, then 4ish, the last one is after dinner around 7pm or 8pm. To stimulate the amount of coffee they drink, the supermarkets dedicate one whole isle to cookies and taartjes! Most of these cookies are with butter and a looots of sugars, so I don´t eat them anymore, but before my vegan time my all-time favorite where the bokkenpootjes and gevulde koek. Oh and the stroopwafels and stroop cookies.
11. Fries are a Dutch´s best friend
The Netherlands biggest delicatessen is fries. You can eat them on the street, in fancy restaurants, at the beach and even during weddings. They sell fries at every train station, and on every ten meters of a city center in places called “Snack Bar”. What makes the patat so special is the way you can eat them. In a puntzak and with A LOT of sauce. And by sauce I mean mayonnaise. I never understood Pulp`s Fiction scene about The Netherlands until now. For your education: these are some toppings with the official names they use:
-Patat speciaal: Fries with mayo, ketchup, and onions
-Patat oorlog: Fries with peanut sauce, mayo, and onions (oorlog means war, I leave it to your imagination why they call it like this)
-Patat joppie: Fries with a secret sauce called: Joppie
-Patat met: Fries with mayonnaise unless you ask for another sauce like ketchup, curry, peanut sauce.
-Patat zonder: The least chosen one. These are fries without any sauce.
I have to admit, I used to find it too loco to eat fries with onions. The smell is truly awful, but after two years I have blended very well with the locals. Now I can enjoy a good puntzak of patat speciaal.
12. Wedding celebration of 12,5 years
Dutch people celebrate 12,5 years of marriage. Why? I don´t really understand. Where I am from, we celebrate complete years. 1, 5, 10 etc The first time I was invited to 12,5 years of marriage I thought it was a joke, but no, it´s a real thing to celebrate, and it´s actually a nice reason to get together (maybe that´s the reason?).
One more extra…
13. When a baby is born… Not only your family gets the memo, but the whole street has to know that there is a new baby in the world. Parents go loco and decorate their house with blue or pink (depending on the sex of the baby) banners, balloons, an inflated stork and anything they can possibly find baby related. While in Colombia, when a baby is born, you call the parents, the grandparents and eventually go and visit the baby. In the Netherlands, the parents send birth cards to the whole family and friends. Normally the card shows the time and date of birth, the weight, the length (very important) and a picture of the baby. I can´t help but wonder when on earth do the parents have the time to do all this, while there is a newborn in the house?
If you got the birth card, that means you have to make space in your agenda to go visit the newborn (kraambezoek). During the kraambezoek you will get a treat from the parents: A biscuit with (of course) butter and little aniseed balls colored pink for a girl and blue for a boy. “Beschuit met muisjes” Oh! it makes the visit more gezellig and totally stress-free.
I´m going to leave the house birth, the haring, the real life doll when someone turns 50 and some more loco things for another post. For now, I can only say that even though the Dutch culture is different than mine, I have learned to like it and embrace it. Some things I find funny, other I really like and I´m learning from them.
Thanks to all the Dutchies that have embraced me and made me feel welcome in The Netherlands the past two years.